his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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