I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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