Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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