i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
