my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
