I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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