Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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