I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
