So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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