Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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