i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
