Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
