he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
