Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
