Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
