as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
