Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize