i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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