I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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