dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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