we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
