Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
People in love make me want to vomit
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
