Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
