More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
