dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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