i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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