My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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