Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
