Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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