At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
