I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
