Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
