Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize