she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
