You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
