God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
