3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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