So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
