Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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