I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize