Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
