He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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