he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
