OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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