Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think your dad took our porno
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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