census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
