i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
