I'm lost and stupid without you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
