If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
