hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize