When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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