it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
