My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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