I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
