Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
