I wish I could punch you in the face.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
