My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
