im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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