whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
