Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My bed smells like the plague
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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