He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
