He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
