Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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