home. puking in laundry basket.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
