Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
