if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
