he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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