and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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