I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
