I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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