May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
